In the frum community, there are many things that are not discussed. Sure, they exist, but why talk about it? It only happens to other people, anyway. Besides, you don't want to ruin a shidduch.
I'm talking about things like depression, anxiety, physical abuse, etc.
While I agree that no one should announce these things from the rooftops, there is a point that girls need to be told that these things exist, and what needs to be done if they come across it. Perhaps a good time should be when the girl becomes a Kallah, and has her Kallah classes.
We would all love it if life would just flow along peacefully, and we would never know of such things. But think of the lives that could be saved if girls would know what to do.
What do you think?
14 years ago
10 comments:
I don't think they should wait until a girl is a Kallah. It should be talked about when the girls are old enough to understand. So many people would be in better places today if they had been educated in the things that count.
life is depressing enough as it is without knowing that it's going to get worse :)
SD, I think that age depends on the person. Telling a girl when she is a kallah (or a boy when he is a chosson) is only if there were no reasons to tell them earlier.
CIB, I didn't say that life is goona get worse. I just said that people should know when it's necessary to get help and where to go for that help.
Anon, I don't think you meant SD there... ;)
But I'll give you my take. I'm pretty sure girls who live on the same planet as I do would have a very hard time getting to this stage in life without knowing these things exist. I'd say that it would be good to take a proactive approach, teach people how to recognize it and what to do about it. I've never been a fan of burying heads in sand...
Sorry guys! I meant HS! Guess I'm a little tired. It must be all the wine I drank in honor of the New Year - jk!
SD (really this time) I agree with you. If it comes up when someone is younger, as it did recently with me (no, I'm not a kallah yet), it should be discussed at that time.
The reason I said it's important to talk about things when they are younger, is because I have a good friend that was abused in a horrible way and lives with the scars to this day because she had no idea what was being done to her and who to reach out to for help. I guess the post just hit home for me. Maybe just teaching children communication and that they don't have to be afraid to talk is the first step and when they are older, they can learn the details.
HS, I agree with you 100%.
having been there...there's no need to go into details about anything. something like this, as soon as a child is old enough to understand it (yes, that young! when do you think the issues start?):
depression:
some people are very sad, and it's not their fault. B"H, we have special doctors today who can help them. this is why it's important to talk to an adult when we have very strong feelings.
abuse:
ever heard of the swimsuit lesson?(i know you only mention physical. i'm using this example because i think everyone out there should know how to give the swimsuit lesson, and because physical abuse is much easier to notice than some other types...)
it should be given as soon as a child is old enough to understand this simple paragraph:
any part of your body that is covered by a your bathing suit is private. no one has the right to touch you or look at you in those areas. if anyone does, you need to tell a grownup right away. if the grownup doesn't listen, tell another grownup, again and again until you find someone who does!
(think this is extreme? ask rabbi yakov horowitz, he recommends this lesson before every summer. ask any kid who was abused if their life would have been different had they known this.)
i'll get off my soapbox now.
Little sheep, you are one hundred percent right. I read about the swimsuit lesson in a magazine, and found it to be the simplest and easiest way to explain things to a child.
I think they should teach women (girls?) about spousal abuse in seminary or HS. don't wait until she's engaged to a potential abuser to teach her. give the population the tools to recognize deviant behavior
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