Sh! We don't talk about that!

In the frum community, there are many things that are not discussed. Sure, they exist, but why talk about it? It only happens to other people, anyway. Besides, you don't want to ruin a shidduch.

I'm talking about things like depression, anxiety, physical abuse, etc.

While I agree that no one should announce these things from the rooftops, there is a point that girls need to be told that these things exist, and what needs to be done if they come across it. Perhaps a good time should be when the girl becomes a Kallah, and has her Kallah classes.

We would all love it if life would just flow along peacefully, and we would never know of such things. But think of the lives that could be saved if girls would know what to do.

What do you think?

Smoking

With daughters in Shidduchim,
For a few years already,
I've come to learn a little bit,
About the Shidduch redting.

Boys in black hats, suits,
Wearing white shirts and a tie,
Must be a big Masmid,
Be learning 'til all times.

Personality-wise? Top notch,
He's totally geshmak.
Only one more question now-
Does he smoke, or not?

Um, you see, it's like this,
It's just a little bit.
One now, one then, one in between,
You know it's just for shtick.

Really now, you think it's fine?
I'm so glad I spoke to you.
This shidduch should be perfect,
You see, my daughter - she smokes too!


Now, dear reader, think a bit,
Try to be objective.
What would your reaction be?
Surely you'd reject it!

Why with boys is it allowed,
So quickly tolerated,
But if a girl would pick it up,
It's much more complicated.

Let's unite, dear parents,
Not allow this to continue.
No more smoking, anyone!
V'Nishmartem M'od L'Nafshoseinu!


(No, I'm not a parent, but after hearing my parents complain about this for a few years already, I found it easier to write it from their viewpoint.)

Only One

Chanukah. A holiday of miracles, a holiday of hope.

Just as the Jews needed only One flask of oil to light their Menorah for eight days, may we too, find the One person that will light up our lives forever.

May we all be zocheh to see our personal Yeshuos in the very near future.

Rainbow cake

If you were to put a child in front of a display case in a bakery, what will he choose? Chances are, he'll choose the rainbow cake - the most colorful things there. Especially if the choice is between that and a black-and-white cookie. But if you give him just the black-and-white, without another choice, he'll probably be happy just with that.

This was a random thought on the topic of being sheltered vs. not. If a person is raised with the sweetness of a black-and-white cookie, he'll appreciate the taste, and won't look further. But, if he is given a tiny glimpse of rainbow cake, chances are he'll want to taste it, and find out what he's missing out on. The rainbow cake, with it's food coloring, will color his insides, and affect him in ways far greater than he can imagine. And once he's tasted it, it'll be hard to go back to plain black-and-white.

I think this is a big problem in our Bais Yaakov schools nowadays. As long as the girls were not seeing what was out there, they were quite content with what they had. With all the outside influences that are filtering into our community, I think the teachers should be able to answer basic questions about Judiasm that may not have been heard of a decade ago.

I'd like to thank a very special teacher of mine for being there for all my rainbow questions, and helping me to see the kaleidescope of colors between black and white.

the terrible-wonderful day

Today at work was a little tough. How come some people can be in a bad mood whenever they want to be, and I feel like I always have to act really nicely at work? I have this one coworker that really gets on my nerves. She can scream and yell at us, her coworkers, but if a patient walks in, especially if it's one that she's friendly with, she can sit and talk to them forever. It just irks me, and today was just one of those days.

The chair at the front desk in a doctor's office gets a lot of verbal abuse. Somehow, it's always the person seated there who gets screamed at for the wait, for people that came after them being seen first (they're usually seeing a different doctor), and for bills that they shouldn't have to pay, because they have insurance.

A piece of advice: if someone does get you upset about something, please tell the person who actually did whatever it was, and don't scream at someone else who happens to be in your path. It's always best to clear up disagreements with the person you had the disagreement with.

Anyway, now that I've vented about the hard part of my day, I'd like to share a cute comment that one of my little patients said. After she got a shot that she really didn't want, the nurse handed her mother her receipt. This little eight-year-old wanted to know why her mother needed a receipt, since she can't return her shot! As they say, out of the mouths of babes!

Tomorrow's one of my mornings off, so hopefully with some sleep I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. Anybody have some smile glue for me?

What if...?

Have you ever read a book in which you can turn to different pages that will continue the book in different ways, leading to different endings? I have.

Have you ever wondered if you would be a different person if you had gone to a different school, camp, or seminary? I have.

My younger sister is applying to seminary this week. Since I went to seminary a few years ago, there have been numerous seminaries that opened up. Would my life be different if these seminaries had been open when I went?

Have you ever looked at a black-and-white picture and tried to imagine it in color?

Have you ever looked at a thick book and wondered what the pages inside will reveal to you?

Life is so complex. It is a kaleidoscope of colors. There's really no use in imagining our past different than it was. We should take what we have and grow from it.

But sometimes, when the going gets tough, I wonder, "what if..."



(As my father always says, "What if your nose was upside down? Then when it would rain, it would rain in.")

This past Shabbos

I just had the most amazing Shabbos. I was zoche to go to a Chai Lifeline retreat in Camp Simcha as a counselor. Meeting with these special families, who deal with so much on a daily basis, but still manage to keep a smile on their faces, gave me so much chizuk. Talking to the other counselors, who all have very busy lives, yet who give up their time to give simcha to these children, was an amazing experience.

This must be what these children were created for. To teach us what life is really about. To show us how to smile at a world that doesn't seem to be smiling back at us.

Can we learn from these special children? I hope I can.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. The holiday in which we give thanks to the good Lord that he led us to this great land of freedom. A land where we have freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and freedom to pursue happiness.

It is a day of no work, no mail, and turkey. It is a day "stuffed" with reminders of those long-ago times when our forefathers were helped by the Indians, who are presently living on reservations as a token of our appreciation. It is a day set aside for thanks, so that during the rest of the year, we can go about our lives without giving a thought to the gift of thankfulness.

I hope that this Thanksgiving, I will be able to internalize the true meaning of thankfulness, and give my fervent thanks to the One who deserves it.

Next?

Another guy,
That's not for me.
After much deliberation,
And uncertainty.

Had a good time,
Discussed some important things,
But he says I'm too open-minded
For a guy like him.

So, onto bigger
And better pickings,
With Tefilah and Hishtadlus
It will soon lead to a new beginning.

first dates

Another first date,
Oh, I just can't wait!
What to talk about, what to do?
So we can discover who is who.

You want to portray who you really are,
Be on your best behavior by far,
Act yourself, not too quiet or loud,
Dress nicely, and show you're not just "one of the crowd."

You want to find out what he's really like,
To continue, or should he just take a hike?
Is he funny, is he on the ball,
And of course, do you like him at all?

Where will this go, where is it heading,
Do you think you will soon be making a wedding?
But hey, not too fast, this is only the first date,
Hatzlacha with it, may you soon find your mate!

workplace

I had a crazy two days at work. Actually, Monday and Tuesday are my longest days, so I'm always beat by Tuesday night. Luckily, I have off on Wednesday mornings, so I can catch up on my sleep. I just wanted to say that for those of you who work in a frum office, please appreciate how lucky you are! The things that I hear, see, and have to deal with in a nonfrum doctor's office are quite a story! The frum community, for all it's flaws (i.e. the shidduch crisis) is a wonderful place to live. There is one bonus where I work - I get redt all the young boys that come in by my goyish coworkers! The problem is that I work in pediatrics, so the oldest boys that come are like 20, and not really going out yet. Try explaining that to the goyim! They keep saying, "But you're 20, and you're 'available.'" I can't wait to shock them, and tell them I'm engaged!

Challenges

I've been thinking recently how everyone in this world has challenges. Some are more obvious than others. Some are based on our society's view of what challenges are. To be an older single in our society is terrible, while in another society, it's accepted as the norm. A lot of our challenges are also based on how we react to the situations we're placed in. If we're able to grow from them, and see how they've changed us for the better, then they've served their purpose.